[From nobody Mon Oct 24 17:45:03 2005
From: Thomas Barstow &lt;tbarstow@earthlink.net&gt;
To: wxqc@lists.gladstonefamily.net
Subject: [wxqc] Fw: Top 5 Smart Ass Answers for 2005
Date: Mon, 24 Oct 2005 21:02:50 +0000
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I figured everyone could have a brighter day with these answers.


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&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2005...according to Reader's Digest:
&gt;
&gt;Smart Ass Answer #5:
&gt;
&gt;A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check 
&gt;tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. 
&gt;I instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing 
&gt;a beat...she said, &quot;Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.&quot;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;Smart Ass Answer #4:
&gt;
&gt;A lady was shopping for a turkey at the grocery store, but she 
&gt;couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, 
&gt;&quot;Do these turkeys get any bigger?&quot; The stock boy replied,&quot; No ma'am 
&gt;they're dead
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;Smart Ass Answer #3:
&gt;
&gt;The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding 
&gt;rolled down his window. &quot;I've been waiting for you all day,&quot; the cop 
&gt;said. The kid replied, &quot;Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.&quot; 
&gt;When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way 
&gt;without a ticket.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;Smart Ass Answer #2:
&gt;
&gt;A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up 
&gt;that reads, &quot;Low Bridge Ahead.&quot; Before he knows it, the bridge is 
&gt;right Ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are 
&gt;backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets 
&gt;out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on 
&gt;his hips and says, &quot;Got stuck, huh?&quot; The truck driver says, &quot;No, I 
&gt;was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.&quot;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;AND NOW...FOR THE BEST ONE...#1 SMART ASS
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.
&gt;
&gt;A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;&quot;Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here 
&gt;tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal 
&gt;injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's 
&gt;it, no other excuses whatsoever!&quot;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 
&gt;&quot;What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete 
&gt;and utter sexual exhaustion?&quot; The entire class is reduced to 
&gt;laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the 
&gt;teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly 
&gt;says, &quot;Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand!&quot;
&gt;
&gt;
&gt;

Tom Barstow
Visit our sites @:

Moyock Weather Service
www.moyockweather.com

Wunderground Weather Moyock
http://www.wunderground.com/US/NC/Moyock.html

Mom and Pop's General Store
www.momandpopgifts.com


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I figured everyone could have a brighter day with these answers.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
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&lt;dd&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;TOP 5 SMART ASS ANSWERS FOR 2005...according to Reader's
Digest:&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;Smart Ass Answer #5:&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. I
instead he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a
beat...she said, &amp;quot;Sir, I need to see your ticket not your
stub.&amp;quot;&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;Smart Ass Answer #4:&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;A lady was shopping for a turkey at the grocery store, but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
&amp;quot;Do these turkeys get any bigger?&amp;quot; The stock boy replied,&amp;quot;
No ma'am they're dead&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;Smart Ass Answer #3:&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. &amp;quot;I've been waiting for you all day,&amp;quot;
the cop said. The kid replied, &amp;quot;Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
could.&amp;quot; When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way without a ticket.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;Smart Ass Answer #2:&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads, &amp;quot;Low Bridge Ahead.&amp;quot; Before he knows it, the bridge is
right Ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks up to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
&amp;quot;Got stuck, huh?&amp;quot; The truck driver says, &amp;quot;No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.&amp;quot;&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;AND NOW...FOR THE BEST ONE...#1 SMART ASS&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2005.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
exam.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;&amp;quot;Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury
or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!&amp;quot;&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;dd&gt;A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
&amp;quot;What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete
and utter sexual exhaustion?&amp;quot; The entire class is reduced to
laughter and snickering. When silence is finally restored, the teacher
smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says,
&amp;quot;Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand!&amp;quot;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/font&gt;&lt;br&gt;

&lt;/dl&gt;&lt;font face=&quot;Times New Roman, Times&quot;&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;br&gt;
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&lt;dd&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/blockquote&gt;
&lt;x-sigsep&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;/x-sigsep&gt;

&lt;/dl&gt;Tom Barstow&lt;br&gt;
Visit our sites @:&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
Moyock Weather Service&lt;br&gt;
&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.moyockweather.com&quot; eudora=&quot;autourl&quot;&gt;
www.moyockweather.com&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/a&gt;Wunderground Weather Moyock&lt;br&gt;
&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.wunderground.com/US/NC/Moyock.html&quot; eudora=&quot;autourl&quot;&gt;
http://www.wunderground.com/US/NC/Moyock.html&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/a&gt;Mom and Pop's General Store&lt;br&gt;
&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.momandpopgifts.com&quot; eudora=&quot;autourl&quot;&gt;
www.momandpopgifts.com&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;
&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/body&gt;
&lt;/html&gt;

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